I want to share something with you that feels a little vulnerable, but more importantly I want to share the tools I was able to garner from the realm of Ayurveda that helped me through the process and out of it.
The lead up
About 6 months ago I stopped breastfeeding. I had been feeling into it for a while, initially I knew it was on the horizon but I wasn’t ready,getting misty eyed at the thought of stopping. As the months went by I got to the point where I felt “I can’t have another period while breastfeeding” we were already down to just one feed in the morning and one at night so I planned for the next new moon, that would be the transition time.
I knew, on a mental, theoretical level that with the slow and eventual stop of milk production I’d also stop producing that oxytocin, prolactin and other soft & gooey hormones. I fully expected the transient to be challenging; potential melt-downs and establishing new routines with my toddler. But honestly, that part was easy.
What was hard, and totally unexpected was the biggest “let down” of all. The post breastfeeding blues. When that new moon rolled around I explained to my son that the milk was finished & he literally shrugged “okay” rolled over & went to sleep! I was surprised but mainly feeling triumphant, we did it!! We navigated that precious first chapter together, grateful for the graceful transition.
The Let down
The first week was full of elation and pride. What I didn’t know was coming around the corner was that drop. As my hormones recalibrated I slumped into a depression that I’d never experienced before.My immediate postpartum didn’t include these low feelings (more of the heady anxious variety) so this was a total curveball and all brand new for me.
I thought I was going to feel GREAT after breastfeeding, my bodily autonomy, energy levels back up but no, it was quite the opposite. For the first time in years I had my body to myself. Honestly, it was as if I was seeing myself clearly for the first time in years and all I could think was
“This is not my body”
I didn’t recognise myself and I didn’t like what I was seeing. I became obsessed with body image related thoughts, suddenly uncomfortable in all my clothes. I also felt incredibly low & lethargic, losing all interest and motivation in the projects I’d previously been excited and inspired about. Emotionally, I felt fragile and insecure. And although I know how beneficial it would be for me to get on my yoga mat…..I just couldn’t.
I thought “This will probably pass once my period comes.” But that period came and went and the low vibes continued. About 6 weeks into the funk I noticed that the depressive feels were giving way to nervy, anxious feels reminiscent of my early postpartum days. At least this was familiar! And at least things were shifting.
Link to PTY list
I understood from my study in Ayurveda that after a Rajasic period, a time of change and transition, we have to go down, into a Tamasic state before we can rise back up into a balanced, Satvic state.
What I did that helped
One of the things I love most about Ayurveda is that it is a feminine approach to health and wellbeing. Meaning that, no aspect of ourselves, of our life, is denied. Every aspect of life is embraced and addressed. Every aspect of a woman's life is considered, from her menarche (first menstrual cycle) , preconception care, pregnancy, postpartum and of course peri and menopause. However, one of the things that shocked me is that it seems nobody is talking about this! There was very little information online, lots of postpartum depression but not “post breastfeeding” & as much as I tried, my algorithm wasn’t serving me women’s stories on this topic.
So, here are some of the practices I drew on during those 2-3 months after breastfeeding that helped me not only get through the fog but get out of it gracefully.
Self Massage using Oils
Abyungha as it’s known, is THE ORIGINAL self love, self-nurturance ritual that anyone can do, anytime. The tricky thing about this “Big Let Down” time is that we are dealing with both Vata and Kapha doshas. Vata arises in times of change and results in those insecure, anxious feelings. Kapha is the ruler of hormones and results in lethargy and depressive feelings. This practice of self massage is especially beneficial for balancing Vata dosha, using warm sesame oil, you massage the whole body before bathing or showering.
If you are new to the ritual, watch my guided tutorial here.
Medicated herbal baths
Vethukuli, is a special bath infusion, using various herbs, roots and flowers to support mothers. The herbal blend helps to replenish depleted mother, delivering the medicine directly through open pores into the bloodstream. Additionally the act of bathing as a ritual is calming for the nervous system and helps to move stagnant energy in a gentle way.
It is also recommended during the Fourth Trimester.
Check out the Steep bath infusion here
Adding in & opting out
I do not advocate restriction, when it comes to diet or otherwise, it was really important for me to pay extra attention to what I was putting into my body at this time. Although I was lacking energy & reaching for comfort in the form of a coffee or margarita more than usual, I knew that was not the time. I cut out both caffeine and alcohol for about 3-4 months while my hormones leveled ou and my metabolism adjusted (meaning my weight & appetite)
Instead I added in a ritual beverage, this was the birth of the Bone Broth Hot Chocolate
Here’s the recipe
½ water
1.4 beef bone broth
1.4 raw cows milk
1 tablespoons of raw cacao
1/2 teaspoon of ghee
(here I would add in supplemental herbs - please consult your practitioner to know what’s right for you)
Boil all ingredients together
Finally, add 1 tablespoons of raw honey
Serve in your favorite mug and enJOY
Sistertime
It was during this time that I really leaned in and leaned on my female friendships. Spending often short but quality time with other Mums here in Bali and leaving loong, rambling voice notes to my generous girlfriends who live far away.
I was really struck by the fact that the Motherhood path is not a straight or linear one.She circles and spirals and cycles, she moves in a continuum.
There is no such thing as ‘going back’ to how you were before Baby. Even after you finish breastfeeding and get your body back to yourself. You are forever changed and releasing any resistance to this helps to navigate the challenges more easefully.
The Triple Goddess Morning Meditation is a ritual that I used throughout those early morning feeds but also one that really supported me during this “Big Let Down” time, be sure to download it!
Feel free to reach out if you are going through a similar experience via email or DM me @yoga_alchemy I’d love to support you in any way I can.
Love, Amanda x
